Your Complete Guide to Strap Ons: Harnesses, Dildos & First Time Tips
Strap-on sets are used by people of all genders and relationship configurations for penetrative play, pegging, gender affirming sex, and partnered or solo exploration. Getting the right combination of harness and dildo makes a significant difference to comfort, control, and confidence, particularly for first time buyers. This guide covers what to look for in each component and how the two work together.
Understanding the Two Components
A strap-on system has two parts: the harness, which is worn around the hips or thighs, and the dildo, which slots into or attaches to the harness. They are often sold separately, giving you the flexibility to choose each based on your own priorities. Some kits bundle a compatible harness and dildo together, which is a practical starting point if you are unsure where to begin. Buying separately gives you more control over size, material, and fit.
Choosing a Harness
Harnesses come in several styles. A jockstrap or brief style harness sits like underwear and tends to feel secure with minimal adjustment. A two strap or bucket harness uses adjustable straps around the waist and thighs, offering a wider fit range and more control over positioning. Leather harnesses are durable and hold their shape well over time. Nylon and vegan alternatives are lighter, easier to clean, and often more affordable. Look for a harness with an O-ring that suits the diameter of the dildo you plan to use, as most standard rings are 1.5 or 2 inches in diameter.
Choosing a Dildo
For strap-on use, you need a harness compatible dildo, meaning one with a flared base that will sit flush against the O-ring and stay in place during use. Silicone is the preferred material: body safe, non porous, easy to sterilise, and available in a wide range of sizes and textures. A realistic dildo replicates natural shape and texture, while a non realistic design may offer a smoother surface, different curvature, or more vibrant colour options. For a first kit, a mid range size with moderate girth is generally easier to control and more comfortable for both partners.
O-Ring Compatibility
The O-ring on your harness determines which dildos will fit. Most harnesses use a standard removable O-ring, and some come with multiple sizes. Before purchasing a dildo separately, check the base diameter against the O-ring size on your harness. A dildo that is too narrow will shift during use, and one that is too wide will not pass through the ring at all. Many harnesses include this information in their product description.
Fit, Comfort, and Control
A well fitted harness sits snugly against the body without digging in or shifting position during movement. Adjustable straps allow you to find the right tension across the hips and thighs. The dildo should feel stable in the ring and should not rotate independently of the harness. For longer sessions, padded or lined harnesses reduce friction. If you are buying for the first time, a fully adjustable nylon harness with a standard O-ring gives you the most flexibility while you find what works for you.
Cleaning and Care
Body safe silicone dildos without internal vibrators can be sterilised by boiling for a few minutes or running through a dishwasher on the top rack without detergent. This makes them safe to share between partners when cleaned thoroughly between uses. Harnesses should be hand washed or machine washed according to the manufacturer's guidance. Leather harnesses require specific conditioning products to maintain their shape and finish. Store your harness and dildo separately and away from direct sunlight.
Browse the full strap on dildos and strap on harnesses collections at LoveVella. Every order is delivered in plain packaging with discreet delivery across the UK and EU.
